(4 min read)

As parents, one of our greatest worries and fears is our child getting hurt by something or someone. We want to protect them and shield them from any danger or harmful situation. We can do everything in our power and strength to keep them safe, but what if that doesn’t work? What if our child is hurting and struggling physically, emotionally, and mentally? 

We send our kids to school hoping that they will receive a great education but also eager for them to find a wonderful group of peers who will be caring and supportive. We don’t think about how sending them to school may have the potential of putting them in harm’s way.  Have you ever had your child come up with every excuse not to go to school in the morning? “My stomach hurts. Can’t I just stay home today? Do I really have to go?” It is estimated that approximately 5.4 million students skip school at a given point in the school year due to bullying. 

What is Bullying?

The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) defines bullying as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance: using their physical strength, popularity, or possession of embarrassing information. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. Bullying can occur in-person or through technology (cyberbullying).”

I bet that many of us have had direct or indirect examples of bullying in the past, or even in the present. Bullying is ugly, hurtful, scary, and leaves us with a deep scar that is sometimes difficult to mend by ourselves. We are sometimes told to “brush it off,” toughen up,” and “don’t let it bother you.” If it were that easy, we would be able to not let it bother us. However, that is not often the case. Bullying leaves a trail of anger, confusion, frustration, and fear that seems to grow with each incident. 

The Effects of Bullying

The effects of being bullied are very real, and one may have one or many symptoms as a result. What are some of the symptoms that we should be aware of and look out for? 

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Loneliness
• Psychosomatic symptoms (headaches, gastrointestinal issues, lethargy)
• Substance Abuse
• Isolation
• Withdrawal
• Poor school attendance
• Poor academic and social functioning
• Low self-worth
• Family problems

One may often think, “why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? No one loves me. I am worthless and useless.” These questions and statements become repetitive in our heads, and the scary part is that we may eventually come to believe these negative and false thoughts. 

How Do We Support a Child Who is Being Bullied?

As parents or caregivers, we ask ourselves, “Is there anything we can do to help our child?”
Of course, we want to do everything possible to stop the bullying; however, that may be difficult. We may not be able to stop the bullying, but there are many ways we can come alongside our children and support them. A few ways to do this are:

• Remain calm
• Keep our own feelings and thoughts in control
• Do not ignore the problem
• Listen without blaming or forcing them to “do something”
• Find out what happened, how long it has been going on, and the involved parties
• Do not make assumptions but get facts
• Do not be dismissive of their feelings and thoughts
• Create a safe and supportive environment where they can freely share
• Ask them for their thoughts and opinions to work together to come up with a solution and/or improvement
• Create and maintain an open, honest, and ongoing line of communication
• Document and keep all information and evidences
• Determine when it is time and necessary to contact the school and let them know what is going on with your child and the situation. 

For those being bullied, research has shown that being involved with one’s school and feeling a sense of belonging and connectedness is very important and helpful for kids. However, kids sometimes have difficulty finding these connections and may feel alone. Fitting in and finding a social niche at school doesn’t happen with the snap of a finger, and it may cause more anxiety and frustration for the child. 

Research into different groups and places where the child will be comfortable and have opportunities to build friendships and connections may be helpful. An example might be a youth group at a church, which may open up doors for a child through fellowship, building community, and a sense of belongingness. Grace Chapel offers various programming for kids and teens throughout the year. Check out grace.org/kidstown and grace.org/stumin to learn more.

With most challenges and hardships, it takes patience, diligence, and compassion not only for others but ourselves, which is quite difficult to do, especially in these types of hurtful and frustrating circumstances. However, pockets of hope are available through perseverance, knowledge of the situation at hand, and advocacy, in the form of therapy (if needed) and community/school/family support.